I’m learning that I don’t do very well at processing things. I am, however, very good at ignoring them. I don’t know why but telling friends and family about the things that are troubling me always seems like attention-seeking. It’s not, obviously it’s not, but I can’t seem to get around this barrier well enough where sharing things doesn’t seem awkward.

I believe some part of my depression stems from the inability to deal with issues as they happen, leading to unexpected bursts of crushing sadness that I am incapable of fighting. I’m sure it’s a self-esteem issue, where I intrinsically value other peoples’ problems more than my own and therefore feel silly trying to share with them.

For me to progress as a person I need to start putting myself first and understand that my life and my problems are just as meaningful as others’.

On Friday I was told that I have to have spine surgery at some point in the near future. Just typing it is very difficult. I am scared. I have seen spine surgery first-hand and it was brutal, though I understand its necessity. My friends know that this surgery will happen but I was unable to express how I really felt about it so ended the confession with jokes and the assurance that it’s not happening now so I’m not too bothered. I am very bothered.

I am overwhelmed with university work, and unable to ignore the tensions at home. I need to figure out what’s best for my health, and whether I am going on the right path to ensure it.


One thought on “A PROBLEM SHARED…

  1. I had spine surgery over 3 years ago, and let me tell you it’s been hard but it makes me stronger! Don’t be scared if it’s what’s best for you then everything will work out. (:

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s